i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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