I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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