We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm both gender and math confused
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
