i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
