dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
