I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
