I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
