just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
