um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You are the jesus of drinking
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
