when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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