I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
