They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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