I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
