you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
