it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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