Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
