If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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