It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
