a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
