May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
