How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
