chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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