Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
