we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
