My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
