After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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