Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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