Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you had me at cake vodka
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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