i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
