my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
