when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
