Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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