You work out of a Hotel?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
