He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
