well I can't set my house on fire every night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
