TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
