if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
