Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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