hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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