That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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