Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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