How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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