I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
