I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
well you can't waste a boner
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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