I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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