i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
