If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
