Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
