Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
