She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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